I.M. Prosecuted 15 Sep 2021
Who else than I myself would be my most terrible prosecutor. I continuously judge myself. The bible says: "do not judge." I still do. And it hurts. I do evaluate:
Some of my childhood moments. "I should have been different. I should have been more courageous." I took the judgment of parents, family, teachers, friends, and I still foster it.
I still hate some of my failures when I was in a leadership position or with friendships. And I still blame myself.
It is hard to be compassionate with myself and in other words not to condemn myself. The thoughts with 'should' in the sentence may show my self-judgment: "I should have done this job better." As if forgiveness does not exist. Even when I have forgiven myself, the painful and shameful memories still last.
A few ideas for more self-compassion are:
1. Write a loving compassionate letter to young William about my painful memories/events.
2. Hanging out with the little guy. Accept him with more friendly insights on past events.
3. Welcome the young William back in my life. (I may have abandoned him as unwanted.)
4. Actually, I need to accept a more flawed version of myself. And I need to throw away the 'perfect version' of my past that does not exist. I can't relate to an imaginary person.
Father God, teach me to have mercy and grace with my past life.