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I.M. Relentless 19 Oct 2021
At some places the sun is relentlessly, mercilessly, scorchingly hot. It kills. It is not the intention of the sun to damage. It is just mercilessly present during the daytime.
Similarly my character may spread mercilessly troubles during the time I am awake. It is however not my intention to annoy others. But my character is merciless present around me. It is not easy to be different from what I am.
Unlike the sun, I do have a capability to affect my influence in the world around me. I can make choices. The problem is often, that I lack insight in my inflexible and merciless actions. Lacking needed actions may be counted with the merciless stuff. Procrastination is certainly among my weaknesses.
Clouds and the earth's atmosphere reduce the merciless shining of the sun. What kind of "clouds" could reduce my merciless or unpleasant behavior?
Some people retire or are fired. They are placed out of operation. That would be a total shield. Sometimes persons are transferred to work which suits better their talents and qualities. It is again a painful separation.
It dawns to me, that change may be painful or not really easy.
When I really want to grow, I may need feedback from others and tests to understand myself better. Those are ways to get insight in where I relentlessly miss the mark in life. It does not just hurt others, but myself as well. Seeing some of my flaws, does not make me a bad person. Many of my flaws, as well, show beautiful and good things about myself. Helpful testing should not just show what is wrong, but as well "what is valuable in the wrongs". Often basically good and beautiful things are abused or overacting in my life. And it should be a joy to learn to regulate those good things, just like the merciless power of the sun needs to be tempered (reduced).
Father God, cool me down where needed. Please teach me grace.