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I.M. Rough 25 Nov 2021

Typically all kind of things wear out with usage. They may become first rough. Later they may break down. Thus the getting rough is a signal of the degrading quality.
Similar things happen in relationships. First I love. The world is perfect. A bright future awaits me. Sooner or later, soon enough, the relationship begins to crumble a little bit. Things may get rough. When I do not care for the rough sides of my relationship, it may break down. It may become a hell on earth.


The roughness of the cable (in the picture) appears with the frequent use. The roughness in the relationship appears with being together. And in that sense it is unavoidable. Rough cables still can be pretty strong. That kind of roughness can however not be repaired. After a long usage, the cable needs to be replaced.
Replacing relationships is not what I am interested in (unless in the case of abuse.) Could roughness in relationships be healed? The past can't be undone. Would there be a useful side of the roughness?


Condemnation and rejection are not solutions. First I need to accept myself and the other. Else the cable breaks. Two kind of suggestions:
1: Change the focus from the story (about what was wrong) to what I (and my partner) feel or may feel. Accept my pain and frustration for some moments. Till the pain significantly reduces. Usually that takes less than 10 minutes, rather than hours. Let love, peace and trust come in. It is not difficult. And still really, really hard to do.
2: With every inconvenient emotion, take some minutes to consider what good things those emotions tell about me (or my partner). To name two good things, emotions protect and motivate. They keep me moving. When they are however too strong, then I would be happy with a version with reduced power.


Father God, please guide me through the roughness on my path.

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