I.M. Rotten 24 Nov 2021
Rotten boats are not very useful. Look at the image! The rudder has gone and there is no motor or sail. It will just sink when it touches water. Even paint will not stick at the rotten wood. It is totally useless. It is only a shadow from what it was once long ago.
When I view myself as "rotten", I have totally no trust in myself. I will feel utterly useless, abandoned, failed, unloved, ugly and unwanted.
It is easy to remember some stories where I failed. More painful are the stories where I failed in the relationship with others. To be even more specific, the stories where others have hurt me or denied their love and acceptance to me. Such stories are depressive.
All such stories have something in common. I focus on the stories about my 'rotten' character. Unfortunately, I refuse to feel and accept the pain. I avoid it.
Today I have before me the choice to live or to die. I can choose to focus on my 'rotten' side or I can focus on the pain, without running away. The rotten stories will spread sickness and dead. The living through the pain brings life. It takes courage. It needs to happen. Refusal is surviving with rotten memories.
Once the pain is accepted, it will die soon. And I can find my true life. It is named as well: God (for Jesus is called the Truth, Way and Life.)
Father God, open my heart for the pain that needs to be felt. Be with me. I need and want you.