32 9 Nov 2018
At the age of thirty two years old my life changed. That year had two major events in my life. I graduated as engineer from the Technical University of Eindhoven. That was the fulfillment of my youth dream. The second important issue was that God the Father had arrived in my heart in a new way. And that brought forth new dreams in my life.
How did I recognize God
Two simple answers:
- I had started praying:
Father God, please teach me how I can love you.Instantly at that decision, a great joy and new faith flowed in my heart. Just in a flash. And that specific joy (light) has never left my heart.
- One evening I heard an inner voice saying:
William, I love you, You are my son and you have no idea how much I love you.I would not speak in such a way to myself. And that inner voice became a regular friend. I realize that I am fallible in discernment who or what is speaking to me and by times I am plainly inaccurate in perceiving God's voice.
New desire and dreams developed
- I received a desire for holiness. I still struggle with various sins. But the new desire began to show me fresh wholesome ways.
- I experienced a new desire to serve my parish (church). And I began to ask what I could do as service.
- I felt called by God with two words:
build community.And that is not my natural talent. Over the years the desire has stayed with me.
Other dreams faded away.
I was appreciated in my work. I liked my work as engineer. But little by little I began to experience that I did not want to work in the same kind of work till my retirement. I had no idea how to deal with that insight.
In a weekend retreat I felt that God wanted me to write a letter to resign from my work. The next morning I quit my job. At least I thought I did.
My resignation was accepted and it would become active after a notice period of 3 or 4 months.
I expected to get more clarity how to proceed in this period. And indeed, that happened. I got assigned in a team starting up a new project.
Over the months it became clear that I really was needed in the project team. So my boss began to ask me, if I wanted to stay with the company.
I accepted, but told my boss that the
issue was not over, but that I was willing to stay at least for a year.
In the next year our team implemented the project successful. And one more year later I once more resigned. I joined a School of Evangelism in Ireland. I was 37 years old and unemployed.