Sex 22 May 2020
Sex is a subject where many people feel inadequate to talk about. There may be a lot of fear and shame around items related to sex. I assume that many parents avoid talking with their children about sex. And worse, if they do they may not listen to the questions and issues their children may struggle with. Children need to discover their gender identity. As teenagers, they need affirmation in the process of figuring out who they are.
Religion does not make things easier in the present world. Modern society and 'science' may have views different from Christian churches. Again there is the problem that the church (as well as parents) demands behaviour that is hard to maintain for many people. When people confess their 'sins' in the area of sexuality, they still feel condemned and ashamed for what they perhaps did wrong.
The consequences of our wanted or uncontrolled behaviour are serious. Our emotions may be damaged, our relationships may be hurt or broken, we may beget children. We may be criticized by authorities and friends.
"All my friends say that they already have had sex. One of my class mates proposes to have sex with me. How am I going to respond? I feel childish and uncertain?"
"I struggle with masturbation. I feel bad every time I go to confession. There is a lot of shame when I speak. I feel stupid that I on and on fall back in the same behaviour. I want it and I hate it. How bad is it? Where can I talk about my struggle and get trusted advice?"
"We are using contraceptives in our marriage. The church forbids it. How does my community feel about this? I am afraid to talk with others. It feels if I am an outcast in my community."
"My husband has a girlfriend he visits regularly. He is dissatisfied with our sex life. Where can I find trusted (Christian) counseling. How should I go on in our relationship. I feel very angry and frustrated. I am sick of all the pains."
As I am not an expert some careful indicative numbers:
- In the USA one out of 16 women feels raped with their first sex experience.
- A USA study believes that almost all mature catholic women have a least used once contraceptives (99%) and 65% of them currently uses contraceptives.
- The prevalence of incest cases is reported to vary between 5% and 62% according to culture ... etc.
- Perhaps in up to 50% of all marriages adultery has happened at least once.
Is Sex Evil?
I refuse to say yes. I am however sure there is a tremendous amount of hurt on issues related to sex and gender.
I believe there is an enormous need to share about those pains and emotions in safe places. I do not know those safe places. Parents and pastors may need training.
Beautiful things can hurt a lot.