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Passion 4 May 2019

If passionate, I do certain things with zeal and pleasure. When I was young I had a passion for electronics. I still do have an interest in electronics. It is however no more a passion. I have an interest in computer programming. Although I can do it pretty well, it never got a passion. At the age of 32 I got a new passion. God became a reality in my life. I wanted to learn to love Him. It did not instantly become a passion. It was however immediately a hearts desire. And thinking of God makes me happy.

Why not a passion?

I can not do the works that God requests from me just alone. He says: Build community! Simple, isn't it? I am interested. I miss friendship, especially with men. In my experience, few people are willing to talk about community. Perhaps it is unwise, but I still have a passion to talk about community. I do not want to live alone. I am willing to die alone. In Christ hopefully. I expect to rise up and live with God and others. I expect a connected life. I am called to that and I believe that God will work it out. I do hardly need passion. I have faith in what God plans for me. I have hope.

Love

I do have an interest in loving God and others. It is not a passion. I am so unpractical in doing it. When it is about love, I feel just like a baby. I do have patience with myself and others. I do ponder how the love could grow. I desire a life of love. I would like love to be the center of my life. I feel myself far from the target.

Love needs receivers

When a person is hurt, he or she may like to turn down my efforts to love. I too have built a wall around myself. Do not touch me. I can do it myself. I do not like the way in which you help me. I may have unbelief that the love and care of others around me, will help me.

I need to accept love and help

Reverse opening up

I try to help others. Perhaps I should try to open up my own heart for attempts of others to show interest in me, to teach me (I could be more open to say thank you, I will try your suggestion or could you help me with trying what you propose to me). And of course, I need to accept the help of others even if they will make mistakes and faults. I also make mistakes myself.

I pray for a fresh passion to let me being loved and cared for. I like to become like a child: open and dependent.