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Misunderstanding 3 May 2019

It is believed that half of all quarrels in the world originates in a misunderstanding. My left ear is deaf and frequently I can not understand a person well. If possible I ask for clarification. I often feel ashamed and bad when I do not understand another person.

Quarrel feels like repeated confusion

Make it smaller

Be specific in what you do not understand. Do not exaggerate. Make the item as small as possible.

Rephrasing

I understand it this way. Do I understand correctly what you say?

Could you explain it to me in different words?

Context and Frame

When I hear a short message, I imagine a context. The context, the mindset of the giver of the message, may be quite different from my mindset.

Why are you telling me this? What do you expect from me?

Show understanding

Normal people like to be understood. If a person has been hurt or disappointed, he wants my understanding. First his pain needs attention. Usually he or she does not even look for 'solutions'. And even more he or she does not like to be humiliated or to be corrected.