I.M. Neglected 18 Jun 2021
Would I even know when I am neglected? Most probably I myself am as well neglecting a few things. And perhaps a few persons.
I sat in a room with some others and we were chatting. At a sudden moment Mr. James entered the room and most probably he had said a hello to everyone. I did however not hear him saying such. I was too busy. At the time I noticed Mr. James in the middle of the room he was animatedly talking with some others. I just had neglected him, without knowing. I felt bad and I felt neglected as well by Mr. James.
It raises the question, who was neglecting? I am missing a lot of information in noisy rooms (my left ear is deaf) and by not noticing, I neglected the newcomer. Important is not to look for whose fault it was.
More important is that I neglect how I feel myself. Such things happen frequently and I am already used to it. Sadly, I am not aware about my feelings as inadequacy, shame and feeling silly. Not to mention the uncertainty of what the others might think about me.
Sure, my own emotions are somewhat over the top. Mr. James and the others hardly may have noticed my missing response. Most probably I was not even the only one who missed the greeting of Mr. James.
I wonder if I am abusing my 'not hearing enough' as an excuse for not participating in certain group activities. I may like more to focus on my own thoughts or issues. In that case I am neglecting relevant social contacts.
Father God, call me into life and out of neglecting. Holy Spirit, I ask you for wisdom and balance.