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Repeated Disappointment 5 June 2020

It is easy to forget and forgive a small disappointment. It is harder to forget a big disappointment. What if small disappointments are repeated often?
Little by little my disappointment will grow. And worse, I get used to it. I will ignore it and bury it under a deep layer of protection.

Examples

a) I try to make a friend. I fail. I try again and fail again. And this a few more times. My conclusion will be: "I will never have friends". I may follow up: "I do not need friends.", hoping that I will no more be disappointed.
b) I really hope that my husband will show his love to me and perhaps brings me a nice flower. I did not experience this for a year. I may conclude: "My husband does not love me. He is just like that.". My desire to experience his love is however not met. It hurts deeply. I find it hard to care for him.
c) My teacher always complains that my homework is bad. I really tried hard. It never gained his appreciation. Being disappointed, I reduced the time spent with my homework. I feel sick. It is useless.
d) I am from a poor family. At school I seldom can participate to the activities of my classmates. They do nice things. I just stand aside. I am very jealous. I hate them.

Who or what hurts me?

Yes, there are causes. It is however me who chooses a reaction, a response. I draw a conclusion. I may do so to ease my pain. Unfortunately my conclusions coming forth from disappointment hurt me even more.