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(B)Lame July 23, 2022
Two days ago during a training, I observed that when I blame someone else, I struggle and suffer myself as well. On the Internet, quite some people already observed how the words lame and blame have connections. When I 'blame', I may be 'lamed' myself.
My fellow trainees stated that - especially in daily conversation - the one who blames first needs empathy. It is a bit rude to observe and comment, 'Oh, you are blaming that person. Do not do that.' The one who is blaming is perhaps disappointed and hurt.
As an engineer I would like to take the shortcut and raise up the blaming. It is however more kind to stay close to what the other person feels and experiences. When he/she feels understood, then his or her mind is more open for other thoughts.
Problems with Blaming
I change the pronouns to the 'I and me.' When I blame someone or even some 'thing', I shift the attention away from my ineffectiveness. I want to hide my share in the problems. The problem is that I hide my own guilt and shame. Strange enough, as long as I feel my guilt, I can hardly accept the empathy and love of people willing to support and help me. Something inside me says, 'It is my fault. I am useless. I am an idiot. Any normal person would have fixed the problem.'
I other words I am 'showing' my low self-image. And perhaps thinking that no help from others can solve my problem. I may be saying that my life has little worth. I may have thoughts like, 'My boss may fire me', 'I better quit the job.', 'My wife may leave me.', 'I have no friends' or 'No one needs me.'
I can admit where I am. I failed perhaps. I am too late. I do not know a solution. No excuses. No blaming.
Yes, one or more persons may be angry with me. There may be consequences.
Even failing is a part of any valuable life. And that is not 'lame.'
Jesus, as a grace I ask you to make me aware when I am blaming.