I.M. Outnumbered 29 Jul 2021
Usually the word outnumbered is used when there are too many enemies in a battle. Now one single enemy can already block an army. The enemies in my mind are especially powerful. Among the worst are 'self defeating beliefs'. And usually those beliefs are unconscious.
I only can be happy if everyone likes me. Even if you replace the everyone by someone, it is still a big problem. When this person does not approve me, I will be forever unhappy. It is a lie. But as long as I believe it, I may act mysteriously foolish. I am complying to others. I don't even understand why I make it so hard for myself.
I am only good if I never fail in something. When one of my projects fails, everyone will think I am an idiot, a total failure. I will feel enormously pressured to perform. I will be always afraid that I might fail. I will never have rest and peace. I am controlling.
I am only OK when I am smart. I should know everything. I am critical. I act superior. I am protecting myself.
Actually those beliefs hinder me. I can never totally meet my own silent requirements. I will be never good enough. I will be never really happy, etc.
Why believing something which is not even true? I can be happy with little. The solution is that I need to break with my unfortunate and unpleasant beliefs. That is however frightening. I have to give up something, which I believe(d?) that it is or would be required for my well being. And I need to learn new behavior to replace my present habits. That will be the hardest part, taking a lot of patient practice. Giving up my faulty belief, makes a change possible.
Come Holy Spirit, talk to me about my self defeating beliefs. I ask for strength and wisdom. Thank you Jesus, for your Spirit.