Build Community

Anxious or Depressed? Free coaching:

I.M. Ostracized 27 Jul 2021

First I need to admit two things. I had no idea on the meaning of the word 'ostracized'. Nevertheless I have felt by times ostracized.
It means that my community purposely avoids to talk to me and let me participate in their activities. It feels lonely and abandoned.


Let me assume that most persons will have experiences where they felt rejected by their community. It could be by parents, siblings classmates, or colleagues. I may have said a bad or inconvenient word. I may have made a mistake. Or I let down my team.
The pain increases when the unfriendly treatment runs over a longer time. It is not easy to deal with, because usually it is an intentional group behavior. Especially when the victim is not given a fair chance, it is mean and immature.

Not Us

We don't do such things. I would never do such a thing. I am blinded for seeing my own behavior.
How do I treat handicapped persons? How do I deal with nasty persons? Lonely people? I did not intent to ... but I ostracized some others.


It is hard as a single person to confront a group with their undesired behavior. Leaders, teachers and parents have a duty to respond to immature and unwanted behavior of groups.
What can I do myself? In case I myself irritate the others, I need to get aware on the how and when. I should practice healthy communication. And I need help with that. A book suggestion is 'Feeling Good Together' by David Burns.
Dealing with intentional unfriendly behavior is not simple. I could inquire what hinders the group which avoids me. The actual asking is quite a risk. I could try the most friendly person in that group. I could ask by-standers for advice. I could confront the group and explain that I feel hurt and intimidated by their behavior. They may laugh at me. But some may be able to relate to what I feel.
Good communication requires that I explain my difficulties. When I am not hearing well enough and I never tell anyone, I cause trouble myself.


Father God, You may feel ostracized by mankind and perhaps most by Christians. Teach me to see Jesus in the lonely ones. Holy Spirit, teach me to accept Jesus.

Feedback: Dislike Improve Like  e-mail