I.M. Obsessed 18 Jul 2021
What could obsess me or my body? Perhaps a spirit, a desire or thoughts. In case of obsession it controls or overrules me. A strange thing is that it has a tendency to make me powerless. I can no more make healthy and free decisions.
Usually powers are hidden. What does that mean? I can't see them. Strange enough I need to fight them. I want to push them back. And because it is a continuously working power, it exhausts me. Even worse, I am afraid of it and I hate it. I don't like the continuously resisting.
I like it and I hate it. I am no more free to enjoy other things. It is too much for me. Little by little I will become aware that I want help with seeking freedom.
Before continuing, I need to realize that it will take serious effort from my own side to become free. It is not just a trick or the snapping of the fingers of a witch or a God.
I desire to give up my obsession. I will however resist in two ways. First there is a resistance to the outcome of the process and second there is a resistance to make the required efforts to overcome my stuck-ness in behaviour.
I am ambiguous. There are advantages with my obsession. And not a few small ones. Perhaps my obsession gives me status or excuses for laziness. Interestingly and always, my obsession may show many great and good things about me. Things which I am not willing to give up. It needs balance. Typically with an obsession I do have quite a distorted impression about myself. The distortions need to be identified. Seeing the good things in me should bring healing and then freedom.
Obsessions can't leave when no new life will come. I need to experiment and especially in seeking freedom. I need to learn and practice new habits. It takes experimentation. I need to take up new tasks which I may have avoided for a long time. That is a huge challenge. I should prepare myself for a long, long line of small experiments in new behaviour. I need to seek tremendous courage. It is very helpful to work in a group which maintains a spirit of humour and laughter with the experiments.
The bare truth is that it takes serious effort over a longer time. There may be fall-backs. And I need to prepare for failure and anticipated fall-backs. By times I may need some support. And that is pretty normal. For each one who likes to learn and grow.
Top quality skills take thousands of hours of practice. It is the painful truth. There are no short-cuts for the painful process of maturing.
God, come to my help. Please connect me to others willing to make the journey.