I.M. Numb 3 Jul 2021
I feel nothing. Even the sensation of pain is lacking. Without sensation I may feel paralyzed.
I'd like to raise the question, what draws me out of doing nothing?
Some basic sensations are hunger, thirst and feeling sleepy. Those sensations regulate a few of my simple needs.
I may have some impulses which stir up action. Some examples are: "I would like to take a walk", "It would be nice to talk to my sister". Next I find myself doing that very thing.
I have a schedule for cleaning or doing my laundry. It helps me to do orderly things which may not be my favorite.
I do have an agenda for important appointments. Sure enough I act on the issues noted in my agenda.
I take time for prayer.
I take time for the news.
I take time for study and learning.
I take some time for exercise.
Sometimes I think about myself as somewhat lazy. I tend to ignore and forget many simple things I do care for in my life.
For all important and bigger projects I love to work with a plan. In this phase of my life I really struggle with plans. I still have dreams. And to move forward with my dreams, I need another technique.
Die To Self
I need to overcome fears, shame and disappointments. A great way to such is called exposure. I want to get to know new persons. I need to force myself to make new friends. Not just one. Many. I need to make appointments to talk or to do things together. The reason is that I want to build community. I need to learn to do things which I am avoiding for most of my life. I especially need to practice holding on and trying again after failures. I want to see my dreams to come to life.
Holy Spirit, light up your fire in me. I am willing to give up all what hinders and precisely all numbness.