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I.M. Silenced 12 Jan 2022
The German language has a beautiful word: "unheimisch." Sometimes we Dutch borrow from our neighbors some words. And 'unheimisch' is among them. Interestingly the Germans almost forgot the word. We still use it. The meaning is unrealistic, strange, weird, not natural, slightly fearful. An anechoic room has walls (as in the picture) covered with sound absorbing material. Typically such rooms are some 4 by 4 by 3 meters. Something like a prison cell. When you are in such a room, you feel 'unheimisch'. You want to get out. All sounds are perceived as weird and unnatural. The walls look threatening.
My mind may have some similarities. I can't hear or experience the echoes from my past life. They are still there. But I can't hear or experience them. They are stored as positive joyful and negative fearful memories. They are far from accurate. But they control a lot of my life.
My mind is very smart. I don't have to think about my dark shadows. They protect me in danger. And they act lightening fast. I have no time to think. My defense is rapid. And it tries to silence all dangers.
By times my silenced memories take control over my actions. My defensive responses may hurt others and myself.
I can't just 'amplify' my silent history and then remember it accurately. Fortunately there are still echoes of them in the present time. The echoes may manifest themselves in negative thoughts and actions. I can know some of my fears. I can know some things which I avoid. I can see where I hurt others around. Usually I try to protect myself. Some of that has good and important reasons. But by times it is irrational, 'unheimisch', unpleasant and unwanted.
One way to work on those issues is invented as or by Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT.) Various relatively simple exercises are derived from the professional psychology. It is about regularly taking time to listen to my emotions and the usually distorted thoughts around them. On the Internet you can find lists of some of the frequent distortions (Seek for: CBT list negative thoughts.)
I recommend such practice. Because it helps to escape from unheimisch to more normal and pleasant feeling.
Holy Spirit, show me my distorted thinking. And please heal my distorted responses.