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I.M. Frightened 25 Jan 2021

This morning I learned that spiders may have up to 8 eyes. This does not explain to me why so many are frightened by a tiny spider. I am wondering what makes me frightened or startled.


Doing things which are actually forbidden or which should not be done makes me hideous. I do not like to be caught in the act.
In my life every single day there are a number of smaller and bigger things which I like to hide for others. As an example, just when I play a computer game. Some of my feelings of guilt are simply silly and unneeded. More serious is when I am wasting my time or deceiving myself and others. Perhaps I do not like to be seen by a spider's many eyes.


I can choose to be transparent and open. To stop hiding. It is easier said than done. Because my idleness becomes visible. I also like to hide that I am doing nothing. What is wrong with a moment of rest? Actually little. I need fresh air and fresh thoughts. Others could conclude that I am lazy. And that may be nasty.

Although I like to use my time well, I struggle. I lack direction and connection. I seek goals with a common good. I am not satisfied with money-making. My desire is to see more people living in freedom and being able to use their talents for god-fearing purposes. A person will only be free if he is known, respected and loved.


Father God, some of my time is void. It is available to you. I desire to spend my life with meaningful things. Jesus, please save me from wasting my time with irrelevant activity. Just as a spider has many eyes to see his prey, open my spiritual eyes to find opportunities. And please make me free of unpractical fears.

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