I.M. Foul 16 Jan 2021
It is about spreading a bad smell. In the Philippines that is a big sin. And not just there. People shy away from me.
When I made a mistake, it feels if all people like to avoid me. I feel bad myself as well. Perhaps I hate myself. I like to go on holiday and leave my fault behind. I like to start a new life.
What hinders is that I need to give up so many things I am attached to. And that is fortunate. Because at new places I will make new mistakes. Most likely the same kind as I am fleeing for.
I can't escape from what I am. So, I better learn to like what I am.
It smells foul. Ai.
The good thing with bad smells is that you can wash them away. It does not help if I do not remove the source of the smell. And sometimes it is really needed that I take my own bad smell, till I realize what causes that smell.
Sometimes I hear: 'He died in the smell of holiness'. It is better than dying in a foul smell. It is a slow and painful process to change my personal smell. When I accept my smell and learn to deal with some of the causes, my odor begins to smell pleasant.
Jesus, please send me some pleasant anointing. Come Holy Spirit, guide me into holiness.