To feel loved 17-Jun-2018
In one of my prayer times I began to wonder: what is needed for a person to feel loved? I realized: a lot!
Psychology gives some answers. We have needs. Maslov came around 1942 with a hierarchical list:
- Physiological needs (water, food, shelter etc.)
- Safety needs (security, health)
- Social belonging (Friendship, Intimacy, Family)
- Self-transcendence (spirituality)
All those things are needed to feel loved. And that is a remarkably long list. especially around the items esteem and self-actualization I had some thoughts.
Some difficulties in families and church
If a son or daughter in a family may not use his/her talents (or gifts) will he/she feel happy? I do not believe so. Such a person can hardly grow mature.
If we are not allowed to make mistakes, will we feel secure enough to try new things?
So for healthy personal development it seems required to have 'safe' places where we can try new things and use our gifts and talents. I would hope that there is a 'father'/coach available who can advise what to do when we made faults and did cause some damage.
What did I miss in my own life?
- I missed a person/place where I could share about my (hurt) feelings without being criticized or treated with quick 'solutions'.
- I missed challenges to try a few new things and be allowed to make a few faults and to smile about that.
- I missed good advise what to do when I messed up a few things and failed to correct what could be corrected.
- I missed challenges to uptake larger responsibilities and to learn to care for them.
- I missed people with whom to plan how to care for various issues/responsibilities.
- I missed places where to ask advise and help to perform tasks that I was not familiar with.
- I missed practical guidance when I was uncertain, lazy or afraid.
- I missed people with whom to reflect on options how to deal with various difficulties.
That may sound 'lonely' and that is what we feel when we can't benefit from love and respect of others around. We miss joy and opportunities in life.
Before I forget it:
I have had a nice youth. My parents were patient with me. I always have been blessed with at least one friend. I have a loving and caring wife. God has entrusted many talents to me. I have experienced God's care and love for me intimately.