Miscom 2 Aug 2018


Today at our dinner my wife Millet and I had a conversation. I asked her permission to share a little about it.

William: "I would like to get rid of some 5 kg weight."
Millet: "I also want the freezer to be emptied."

I felt silent for a few moments with the image in mind that I first have to eat a lot to empty our freezer. Millet had spoken about the issue before.

We still continued our talk but it did not go smooth.

Church community conversation

I proposed to a pastor: "I think we need to focus more on teaching people."
I got a response like: "We are doing already more courses than other congregations."

I felt discouraged and had thoughts like "He is already too busy and I felt ignored and inconvenient."

Miscommunication happens easily

It hurts. It does not produce good fruits. I am interested in two questions:
1. Could I have done things to prevent the miscommunication?
2. What could help to pick up the conversation after the 'miscom'?

Thoughts concerning restoring the conversation properly

In the case of the talk with my wife I could have proposed: "can we talk about the two subjects separated.". In that way I could have avoided to fill my mind with unhelpful and unrealistic images.

The case of the talk with the pastor is more complicated. I could have confronted him with my dissatisfaction with his answer. And that with an evading answer I would not feel encouraged to come with other suggestions at other times.

Options to prepare the ground better

In the talk with Millet I could have started: "I am really concerned about my increasing weight. Can we talk about that?
One of the reasons for preparation is that she may have a different opinion on my overweight.

About courses in the church congregation, I could have prepared a practical proposal for the busy pastor.

Forgive and try again

It is easy to remember a mis-communication and separate ways. That is sad.

A step better is to forgive, forget and ... still separate ways because I am still disappointed and hurt.

Nicer and harder is to forgive and to try again.

Being honest: frequently I am too disappointed to try again. And that is first of all my loss.

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Comments are welcome at: william.kuipers@gmail.com

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