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I.M. Selfish 22 Dec 2021
When I am selfish, all my attention goes to myself. All the 'arrows' point to my self. And since arrows are sharp, they may hurt me. Unnoticed, and little by little. Why and how would that hurt?
Since all normal persons are in some ways selfish, change can only come in small steps. The arrows pointing to me entangle me a bit. When I move it hurts.
First I observe my lack of generosity. It is easy to find other people who are more kind-hearted than I am. I always limit what I give.
I find it hard to reserve one afternoon or evening for visiting lonely persons.
I struggle with giving to beggars on the streets.
At a first glance those things hardly hurt me. I do miss opportunities to make friends. And I feel guilty, which may spoil my day.
Many of my hesitations are risk avoidance. I protect myself. That sounds good.
The painful truth is that I limit myself immensely. I have an opportunity to participate in something that would bring joy and satisfaction. I can make a step towards the realization of one of my dreams. And I fail to move, because I preserve myself in a secure prison cell.
Ownership brings duties. When I have a house or a car, I need to care for them. Everything I protect, takes energy from me. It keeps me from spending my time for more important things. I realize that housing is needed and that a car can enable me doing good things.
It may be just as well that my refusal to be responsible, and thus being safely relaxed, is counterproductive for what I really like.
Jesus Christ, be my redeemer. Make me a doer of what is good and gives meaning to life.