I.M. Horrified 9 Mar 2021
Being horrified is extreme. It does not happen often to me. Horror comes with the desire to flee. The power that threatens me is too dangerous.
In our world we are surrounded by many beautiful things. Unfortunately there are plenty of things which should fill me with horror. Can I run away? Should I flee? Is it my business?
Personally I hate it being indifferent and a coward. I believe that I need to face my weakness.
Not all horrors are incidentally or far away. I assume most people have their daily horrors. My boss never listens. Every time I meet her she says this nasty thing. I am so fed up. But actually I like her.
Clearly some nearby persons irritate me with their behaviour. For the sake of a normal doable life I bear with it. Should I?
Do the horrors quickly fade away? The frightened response may leave soon when I return to safety. The fear for possible dangers does not shy away. They root deep in my being.
This 'animal' has frightened me once. And I am sure that the next meeting with the animal will do the same with me. When I do not prepare myself for a next meeting, nothing will change.
I am frequently ineffective. I know that I can not change the world. What I like to address are some problems where I behave as a 6 years old frightened boy. I am afraid for 'my father' or something else. And the fear still sticks deep in me. I avoid talking about a number of subjects to my father. It is horrible. I need to grow up. I need to forgive 'my father' for horrifying me so long ago. I need to learn to smile even when my father disagrees with me. It will not ruin my life.
I admit that it is not simple to deal with aggressive responses of other persons.
Jesus, in you I seek my refuge for all my horrified responses. Be my shield. Please heal me. Come Holy Spirit, please teach me new behaviour.