I.M. Offended 21 Jul 2021
My friend has hurt me. I am angry. It is a common emotion. I don't like to see my friend. I am facing away. I don't like to see him.
Neither am I willing to see my own pain. I may not even be aware of it.
I am not perfect. I can accept that I incidentally get annoyed.
Usually I spoil my own day or evening. And sometimes I spoil someone else's day. Is it really worth all the fuss? Very seldom.
What do I believe that allows me to be so much affected? I am not sure. Therefore I make some attempts.
1. Because my friend criticizes me I am totally worthless. That would be quite an over-generalization.
2. Because my friend ignored me intentionally, I have the right to be angry? First, there is no right to be angry. Second, perhaps my friend acted unintentionally or for a reason unknown to me.
3. I may be afraid that my friend abandons me and I will remain without friends. I may be afraid for loneliness.
When somehow in my thoughts I think that I am only good or valuable when I meet one or more expectations (of others), I am dependent. I defend myself. I protect myself. Because I am afraid for failure.
Once I am aware of my clumsy thoughts, I can correct my unfortunate beliefs. It takes however a lot of courage and repeated effort. It is very useful to write in a notebook about my journey in life.
God, please show me my depressed way of thinking. Jesus, I pray for your truth and comfort. Holy Spirit, I ask for wisdom and guidance.