Miscom 2 Aug 2018
Today at our dinner my wife Millet and I had a conversation. I asked her permission to share about it.
William: "I would like to get rid of some 5 kg weight."Millet: "I also want the freezer to be emptied."
I felt silent for a few moments. I had an image in mind expressing that I had to eat a lot to empty our freezer.
Millet had spoken about the issue before.
We still continued our talk but it did not go smooth.
Church community conversation
I proposed to a pastor: "I think we need to focus more on teaching people."I got a response like: "We are doing already more courses than other congregations."
I felt discouraged and thought: "He is already too busy." I felt ignored and inconvenient.
Miscommunication happens easily
It hurts. It does not produce good fruits. I am interested in two questions:1. Could I have done things to prevent the miscommunication?2. What could help to pick up the conversation after the 'miscom'?
Restoring the Conversation
In the case of the talk with my wife I could have proposed: "can we talk about the two subjects separated.".
In that way I could have avoided unhelpful and unrealistic images in my mind.
The case of the talk with the pastor is more complicated.
I could have confronted him with my dissatisfaction with his answer.
With an evading answer, I did not feel encouraged to come with other suggestions at other times.
Introducing the Subject
In the talk with Millet I could have opened: "I am really concerned about my increasing weight. Can we talk about that?One of the reasons for preparation is that she may have a different opinion on my overweight.
About courses in the church congregation, I could have prepared a practical proposal for the busy pastor.
Forgive and try again
It is easy to remember a mis-communication and let a bad experience separate our ways. That is sad.
A step better is to forgive, forget and ... still separate ways because I continue to be disappointed and hurt.Nicer and harder is to forgive and to try again.
Speaking honestly: frequently I am too disappointed to try again.
That is first of all my loss.