I.M. Invisible 15 Apr 2021
My personal preference is "to be visible." It is the normal way. However when some cleaning work needs to be done, I may like to be invisible. I am just not there. No-one can see my availability.
I am however concerned about the visibility of my website. Perhaps it needs some advertising.
There are many things invisible for me. I can not just see how another person feels. I have only a very limited idea what others around me struggle with.
It is hard for many to disclose what they struggle with. It may be childish. No-one can help me. I am ashamed. I may be afraid that I need to change a few things. There can be plenty of reasons to hide my pain and struggle.
Unfortunately hiding does not solve problems. Rather the opposite. I begin to seek good reasons why I hide some of what I am. Usually those reasons are very creative. They are imaginative. And with hiding myself, no-one can crack my lies. I am secure.
Still with all the hiding I do not feel really well and joyful. There are so many things which I refuse to share with others that I become lonely. All the others I see are so busy. They are full of life. What is wrong with me?
Is it really true that all the others do feel well? Or do they struggle similarly as I do? Do they as well live with hidden 'depressions'?
As with my website, I may need advertising to make others aware. I have learned that the first thing I can do safely is writing down on paper some of my hidden anxieties. Seeing them on paper helps me to realize that many of my emotional feelings are quite common. Perhaps I can test if my beliefs about myself are correct. And I could try to hear the opinion of one or two other persons about my unfortunate beliefs. I need to learn to think different and more realistic.
Jesus, please guide me into the truth about myself. Make me free of so many silly thoughts which I prefer to hide.